Sunday, 19 May 2013

New blog!

Here it is for Surrobaby number two. Its a dual effort this time, with my IM posting too!

Please follow along with our new match and see how it all goes.

Friday, 26 April 2013

New blog

There will be a new blog soon, for my next journey!
  I am still losing weight and the agreement is almost finished. My Insurance is set up and S and I are still doing really really well. We have the odd tiff about silly things, like any couple, but the huge fundamentals are dealt with and I don't know the last time in 10 years, where our relationship has been so good.

  The children are all doing really well, we saw Baby E yesterday as FIM brought her round for a cup of tea and they all got cuddles and pictures. Once they had gone, life just snapped back in to place again and shows how well they have all adjusted.

The doctor has given me the ok to start TTC now, my cycles are back to 27 days as per usual and I am back to charting in readiness.

I am still getting on really well with PIP N and her husband and we have met up a few more times since and the match is strengthening over the time. I do feel that there is just a bit of waiting and standstill going on as we won't start till June or July but that is just the impatient person in me!

So my life is pretty great right now. I have a friend back in my life that I need and have missed,  and now try to surround myself with great, supportive people and a supportive family too!

New blog link coming.....

Tuesday, 16 April 2013


Ok,so about 10 months ago, I 'met' a lady who had joined several of the FB surrogacy groups and wa just learning all about this crazy world. She still had two more rounds of IvF using her own eggs to undertake, but after 5 previous cycles, and two clinics, it wasn't looking good.
We always got on well on the boards, we shared the same sense of humour and for the next 4 months and two failed transers including a miscarriage, we continued to email each other every now and then.
Likewise, she was there for me during the last few weeks of the pregnancy as a friend and even when I was adamant, I mean telling every body and any body, that I wasn't ever going again, she was still just a great friend. I promised her back last summer, due to just how lovely I found her, that I would help her match if she needed a surrogate and even promised to wear a sandwich board to try and find her perfect match.

Well,soon as I was home from having Evie, I knew i would do it again, I literally couldn't wait to experience that awesome feeling of helping someone again. I spoke to the children only 3 weeks post natal, and they all jumped at the chance to do it again, and whilst my husband and I still working through our residual issues, was just as blown away with the experience and he too would like to do it again, this time, as he said, properly and with his full support.

Little did I know that this lady (is another N) was secretly watching my vlogs, and learning everything she needed to know about the process, the laws, whilst taking an interest in my life too via emails 5 or 6 times a day. So imagine her surprise when I told her we would all love to do another journey, and specifically, her.
We have met up, 3 times now, with the kids and without, they stayed at a near by hotel and we made a weekend of it one time and we are certain that we want to help.

This is the first potential match, that I have seen my husband actually laughing and joking with them, they are just like us. They don't have pots of money, and are generally down to earth people, with normal jobs and normal lives. He genuinely enjoys their company and he is just as emotionally invested in helping them as I am. It's already making a huge difference in how things are playing out and the support he is giving me.

Anyway, I have the doctors this week to be signed off medically ok to carry again, our agreement is almost complete, and we re just doing blood tests.

With the way that it will all work out, is that we will be TTc June or July time again, which will leave us plenty of time to have our family time, my body to recover and carrying on getting to know one another properly.

I know people will ask what's the rush, but before N and I seriously talked about matching, I knew that if something were to happen, it would need to be sooner rather than later as I'm not getting any younger, my college courses and work experience needs to tie in and it leaves the option of doing a sibling for c and n the following year. I want to hang up the old uterus by 35 and be able to start my new career at the same time.
I am a huge believer this time around in not making things fit, like I did last match, not pushing and doing lots of encouragement. It has to all fit in and slot in organically for myself and my family and so far, it's all going extremely well and easy. More to come soon.......l

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Going again?

C and N aren't ready to go again yet, if they do at all. They say they will want to start next summer, so 16 months time but I can't help feel that they are finding it quite hard anyhow. But regardless of speculation, I have a definite time frame to maybe help someone else. And I may already know that person and we may be chatting already.

So watch this space.....

Friday, 22 February 2013

Visit with baby E!

Today was important to me for me for a few reasons. After last week, it was always going to end up a huge deal. This time S couldn't come with me, I was going it alone and I really wanted to see how I would be.

After a few butterflies, I went and I can say that it was thoroughly enjoyable. I was the only visitor and my IPS seemed relaxed and their normal friendly selves. I saw Evie in N's arms to begin with and just felt excited to be able to spend time with all 3.

We spent time talking through the labour and birth, the funny bits, the not so funny bits. I gave them their gifts, including the album I made for her in years to come and they showed me all her gifts they had received from friends and family. They also Gave me the locket they bought and had engraved with her name on the back. i will put a photo of her In there as soon as i get one that fits. And then I had a 45 minute hold of her, just taking time to absorb her, stare at her, wind her, kiss her head and rock her. I tried so hard to see any resemblance of my family but still nothing. She is definitely a mini C. And I felt nothing maternal for her. Much like a niece I guess. I enjoyed my cuddles, because I cared about her, and because babies are babies. But that is all.
I walked out of there, probably feeling less fearful, happier and content than any other time. She seems to fit in with N as her mummy as if it had been her who had carried her and i wasn't involved at all and it made me feel so happy and at peace. I don't have urge to see her again in a hurry although I do miss C and N already. That part is harder. But as one surrogate friend of mine said, I have passed the torch on to them now, it's their turn to carry it and I have to find another light in my life now. Whatever that is, I don't know yet.

I want to carry again, more than anything and we have all agreed a sibling journey next year. But in the mean time, I am just enjoying my new lease of marriage and my children and then who knows! Traditional surrogacy can be an amazing thing, a beautiful thing and not the seedy, unscrupulous, and emotionally uncomfortable thing that it seems to be to some people. It isn't for everyone but in this case and a lot of other cases, it's been a wonderful blessing to be a part of!!

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Update part two

Ok, so day 4, Friday was a complete right off. I admit I had a couple of glasses of wine and went to bed very early. Luckily the next day, in act the next two days, I was back on an even keel, still no regrets and not one tear. It was the last few days before everyone went back to work and school apart from my eldest daughter so we made the time to just enjoy ourselves, and running a few errands. I had plans to do a lot of spring cleaning the following week so rested up as long as I could bear to. Although I did let my son have a friend around for dinner and play so that felt good to be able to do that again for them!

Monday came, so almost day 7 and I generally felt ok. The midwife came and discharged me from their books as everything is as it should be, BP great, bleeding light, womb going back as it should. We had a lovely chat and looked at photos of the happy family and generally talked about the whole experience. It wasn't until after she left and the house was empty that I certainly began to feel a bit lost. Still no regrets, but definitely a few tears. A few crying moments at the fact that it was all over, I had to find something else to do now to fill the huge gap where surrogacy has been for almost 3 years.

I had plans to look for a new job, enrol on the college course, start dieting, clean the house but it all seemed s bit trivial for want of a better word in comparison. Here I was having done this huge thing and now what? I did most of my crying away from anyone and managed to keep things bright and breezy at the school gates. I have to admit I was worried about people asking me if I was alright with pained looks on their faces but it wasn't like that. Luckily most of my friends at a school are on my Facebook so had all seen the pictures and just congratulated me. As for my friend who was pregnant at the same time, she hasn't been to the school yet as she had a tough time of it all so that was a small blessing too. Oh btw, she also had a little girl, all is well now, and my daughter L seems to be adjusting to it all fine. Phew!!!

Tuesday followed pretty much the same way to be honest although less tears. If I did any crying, I literally couldn't tell you why. Once of those silly moments but as soon as they came, they went again. I did get upset when 2 people commented that "it mustn't be too long left to go" and "had i had it yet" I had to explain that I had already had her a week ago, and it was mortification on both sides. I guess my stomach is still newly non pregnant and when you don't have an actual baby with you, it's an assumption. Or maybe i ate too many cream eggs last week. I have asked friends and if I look 9 months pregnant still, but apparently I don't. I have a picture of today that I am using as comparison for later, and It doesn't look as bad I thought. In the end, I am just going to use it as motivation for dieting and stick at it just like last time.

Which brings me today. Today I feel a lot more motivated and life is just plodding on. I haven't been upset, I have managed to do some spring cleaning, and my photos arrived in the post so I will make Evie's photo album for her this afternoon. I hope to be seeing them in the next few days but as my milk is still threatening, I may leave it a few more days!

Monday, 18 February 2013


Well, I had every intention of writing a little daily blurb about how i was doing but the 3 little kids were off school this week so it's been crazy. Nothing like being thrown in the deep end to get back in the swing of it all!

Ok, so let's try to break this down. It may be another long one.

Tuesday morning we came back at 6.30 am, my eldest daughter was getting ready for school and we literally just hugged her, said good night and hit the pillow. I only slept for 2 hours and was up again at 8.30. No reason apart from I was literally buzzing!! I couldn't sleep, it was just too amazing and beautiful to be wasted and I pottered around marveling at what we had just done. Cheesy huh! I went back to bed while S slept and looked on my Fb where I had so many lovely comments and emails, and I carried on smiling. Oh and I both got up around 11.30 and he was still so happy. We found the last meal that N had cooked for us, a lovely curry and we sat eating that while watching our favourite shows and every now and then just going over what we had been through whilst crying, happy tears.
 Every now and then we would just sigh and smile. I then had a lovely hot bath and my In laws bought back the 3 youngest children and we all had cuddles. I have to admit that we should have had a little more sleep because those last few hours of the children being hyper and bedtime being a while yet, were hard, but lovely too!

The next day, Wednesday was more of the same. I was completely on a high. S was fantastic, doing all housework, childcare etc. It was so nice to see the children and not be in as much pain, although my SPD still hasn't gone completely. S took the two little girls out to the supermarket and bought all of my favourite naughty foods, chocolate, soft cheeses and wine that I had missed and gave me time to sleep some more. The after pains were quite bad by this point but bleeding was light. I received several beautiful flower bouquets from my family and then a card came in the post from C's mum. The words are so beautiful and it did send me off a little as it meant so much hearing them from someone I haven't met. Then C sent me a couple of pictures via text and I had my first moment of hormones but still not sadness or regrets. Just a little over whelmed and it was soon over. Soon back to being extremely happy and walking on air. Well, may be with some sadness it was all over too!

Thursday was again another day of feeling the buzz. Genuinely felt the love for everything and everyone. In hindsight it was a mixture of the events and hormones- happy hormones but ones I can certainly live with! The children being off school meant it was a bit too much by the afternoon as we were quite tired and they were noisy obviously. I did take them out the village green on their roller skates for an hour while Scott popped out and I enjoyed being out and about with them! And I kept chuckling to myself -  there I was walking around with them and not many people would know I had just given birth. Definitely a strange feeling! S was still so helpful and wonderful and we were just enjoying being in each others company, which was great after the last few months!!

Friday was when we had booked an appointment to register Evie and to coincide with the visit, my were to take the 3 little ones to meet her at my IPs house. I did wake up at 6am with butterflies in my stomach at what was to come but emotionally I was fine and life was just becoming normal. The girls had bought Evie a present and it was nice to be able to take her something form them.
 It wasn't until we pulled in to the drive that I saw other cars, and my heart dropped. I really didn't fancy seeing anyone right then- C had mentioned that N's siter wanted to come over but he had said no, it was our time and not to worry. The visit and seeing the baby and introducing the children to her, was enough to contend with so soon after the birth and even S offered to turn back round. But we went ahead any way, hoped it was just a visiting midwife and as soon as we knocked, C opened the door and hugged us.

 We started taking our shoes off and N appeared holding the baby, with her sister right beside her. She didn't even say hello but made her excuses to go straight past us, upstairs and change her and her sister came over and hugged us and kept on thanking us for what we have done. We will still in the door way at this point and I could see a whole room of kids and N's brother in law and i began to feel a bit panicky. As I caught a quick glimpse of baby's head, they both went upstairs and I heard Evie cry and it was just too much. I just started bawling. I couldn't catch my breath and needed to get out of the eye line of everyone, as they were staring and I just told S that I needed to go, right then. Evie's cry's continued and I really tried to hold it together as my children were wondering what on earth was going on so C took me out to the garden at the back, and there is where I stayed for the whole 20 minute visit.

 S kept coming out and seeing what I wanted to do, as did C and all I wanted was to go but I also wanted the children to meet Evie, so S and C went in and supervised and took photos and I just kept crying and crying. My make up was everywhere and I felt utterly miserable and mortified. I could see N's family peering out the window gawping at the crying lady and I took a walk around the gardens playing with the dog in between sobs. Talk about a pathetic sight. What didn't help was that N's sister also kept coming out (apparently S tried to stop her as I found out after but she didn't listen) and telling me I would be alright and it was just a hormone dump. Erm, if you haven't been through it, don't try to tell me what it is please. I actually became quite angry at that really!

 Anyway it was decided that just S and I would go and register the birth by ourselves and off we went, with tears still rolling down my face.
Well, the actual act of registering a birth, that isn't yours and yet you have to say it is, making sure the spelling was correct, whilst still bursting into tears was hard. If anyone else is reading this, don't do that on day 3/4. It is a bad idea!!
 Needless to say S was great again, got us lunch out and we went to a new park with the children and it blew the cobwebs away!

 S and C then got into texting about what had happened and C and N both apologised- they know now they shouldn't have had family there, they know that I didn't really want to go then but it was only because of the registration appointment and the visit was meant to be for us and the children. Had the extended family not been there, it would have been hard still of course but not ending quite like it did. In hindsight we should have waited to register the birth till next week too whilst hormones are less. Lesson learnt on all fronts.
To be continued....