Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Update part two

Ok, so day 4, Friday was a complete right off. I admit I had a couple of glasses of wine and went to bed very early. Luckily the next day, in act the next two days, I was back on an even keel, still no regrets and not one tear. It was the last few days before everyone went back to work and school apart from my eldest daughter so we made the time to just enjoy ourselves, and running a few errands. I had plans to do a lot of spring cleaning the following week so rested up as long as I could bear to. Although I did let my son have a friend around for dinner and play so that felt good to be able to do that again for them!

Monday came, so almost day 7 and I generally felt ok. The midwife came and discharged me from their books as everything is as it should be, BP great, bleeding light, womb going back as it should. We had a lovely chat and looked at photos of the happy family and generally talked about the whole experience. It wasn't until after she left and the house was empty that I certainly began to feel a bit lost. Still no regrets, but definitely a few tears. A few crying moments at the fact that it was all over, I had to find something else to do now to fill the huge gap where surrogacy has been for almost 3 years.

I had plans to look for a new job, enrol on the college course, start dieting, clean the house but it all seemed s bit trivial for want of a better word in comparison. Here I was having done this huge thing and now what? I did most of my crying away from anyone and managed to keep things bright and breezy at the school gates. I have to admit I was worried about people asking me if I was alright with pained looks on their faces but it wasn't like that. Luckily most of my friends at a school are on my Facebook so had all seen the pictures and just congratulated me. As for my friend who was pregnant at the same time, she hasn't been to the school yet as she had a tough time of it all so that was a small blessing too. Oh btw, she also had a little girl, all is well now, and my daughter L seems to be adjusting to it all fine. Phew!!!

Tuesday followed pretty much the same way to be honest although less tears. If I did any crying, I literally couldn't tell you why. Once of those silly moments but as soon as they came, they went again. I did get upset when 2 people commented that "it mustn't be too long left to go" and "had i had it yet" I had to explain that I had already had her a week ago, and it was mortification on both sides. I guess my stomach is still newly non pregnant and when you don't have an actual baby with you, it's an assumption. Or maybe i ate too many cream eggs last week. I have asked friends and if I look 9 months pregnant still, but apparently I don't. I have a picture of today that I am using as comparison for later, and It doesn't look as bad I thought. In the end, I am just going to use it as motivation for dieting and stick at it just like last time.

Which brings me today. Today I feel a lot more motivated and life is just plodding on. I haven't been upset, I have managed to do some spring cleaning, and my photos arrived in the post so I will make Evie's photo album for her this afternoon. I hope to be seeing them in the next few days but as my milk is still threatening, I may leave it a few more days!

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