Monday, 18 February 2013

Update

Well, I had every intention of writing a little daily blurb about how i was doing but the 3 little kids were off school this week so it's been crazy. Nothing like being thrown in the deep end to get back in the swing of it all!

Ok, so let's try to break this down. It may be another long one.

Tuesday morning we came back at 6.30 am, my eldest daughter was getting ready for school and we literally just hugged her, said good night and hit the pillow. I only slept for 2 hours and was up again at 8.30. No reason apart from I was literally buzzing!! I couldn't sleep, it was just too amazing and beautiful to be wasted and I pottered around marveling at what we had just done. Cheesy huh! I went back to bed while S slept and looked on my Fb where I had so many lovely comments and emails, and I carried on smiling. Oh and I both got up around 11.30 and he was still so happy. We found the last meal that N had cooked for us, a lovely curry and we sat eating that while watching our favourite shows and every now and then just going over what we had been through whilst crying, happy tears.
 Every now and then we would just sigh and smile. I then had a lovely hot bath and my In laws bought back the 3 youngest children and we all had cuddles. I have to admit that we should have had a little more sleep because those last few hours of the children being hyper and bedtime being a while yet, were hard, but lovely too!


The next day, Wednesday was more of the same. I was completely on a high. S was fantastic, doing all housework, childcare etc. It was so nice to see the children and not be in as much pain, although my SPD still hasn't gone completely. S took the two little girls out to the supermarket and bought all of my favourite naughty foods, chocolate, soft cheeses and wine that I had missed and gave me time to sleep some more. The after pains were quite bad by this point but bleeding was light. I received several beautiful flower bouquets from my family and then a card came in the post from C's mum. The words are so beautiful and it did send me off a little as it meant so much hearing them from someone I haven't met. Then C sent me a couple of pictures via text and I had my first moment of hormones but still not sadness or regrets. Just a little over whelmed and it was soon over. Soon back to being extremely happy and walking on air. Well, may be with some sadness it was all over too!

Thursday was again another day of feeling the buzz. Genuinely felt the love for everything and everyone. In hindsight it was a mixture of the events and hormones- happy hormones but ones I can certainly live with! The children being off school meant it was a bit too much by the afternoon as we were quite tired and they were noisy obviously. I did take them out the village green on their roller skates for an hour while Scott popped out and I enjoyed being out and about with them! And I kept chuckling to myself -  there I was walking around with them and not many people would know I had just given birth. Definitely a strange feeling! S was still so helpful and wonderful and we were just enjoying being in each others company, which was great after the last few months!!

Friday was when we had booked an appointment to register Evie and to coincide with the visit, my were to take the 3 little ones to meet her at my IPs house. I did wake up at 6am with butterflies in my stomach at what was to come but emotionally I was fine and life was just becoming normal. The girls had bought Evie a present and it was nice to be able to take her something form them.
 It wasn't until we pulled in to the drive that I saw other cars, and my heart dropped. I really didn't fancy seeing anyone right then- C had mentioned that N's siter wanted to come over but he had said no, it was our time and not to worry. The visit and seeing the baby and introducing the children to her, was enough to contend with so soon after the birth and even S offered to turn back round. But we went ahead any way, hoped it was just a visiting midwife and as soon as we knocked, C opened the door and hugged us.

 We started taking our shoes off and N appeared holding the baby, with her sister right beside her. She didn't even say hello but made her excuses to go straight past us, upstairs and change her and her sister came over and hugged us and kept on thanking us for what we have done. We will still in the door way at this point and I could see a whole room of kids and N's brother in law and i began to feel a bit panicky. As I caught a quick glimpse of baby's head, they both went upstairs and I heard Evie cry and it was just too much. I just started bawling. I couldn't catch my breath and needed to get out of the eye line of everyone, as they were staring and I just told S that I needed to go, right then. Evie's cry's continued and I really tried to hold it together as my children were wondering what on earth was going on so C took me out to the garden at the back, and there is where I stayed for the whole 20 minute visit.

 S kept coming out and seeing what I wanted to do, as did C and all I wanted was to go but I also wanted the children to meet Evie, so S and C went in and supervised and took photos and I just kept crying and crying. My make up was everywhere and I felt utterly miserable and mortified. I could see N's family peering out the window gawping at the crying lady and I took a walk around the gardens playing with the dog in between sobs. Talk about a pathetic sight. What didn't help was that N's sister also kept coming out (apparently S tried to stop her as I found out after but she didn't listen) and telling me I would be alright and it was just a hormone dump. Erm, if you haven't been through it, don't try to tell me what it is please. I actually became quite angry at that really!

 Anyway it was decided that just S and I would go and register the birth by ourselves and off we went, with tears still rolling down my face.
Well, the actual act of registering a birth, that isn't yours and yet you have to say it is, making sure the spelling was correct, whilst still bursting into tears was hard. If anyone else is reading this, don't do that on day 3/4. It is a bad idea!!
 Needless to say S was great again, got us lunch out and we went to a new park with the children and it blew the cobwebs away!

 S and C then got into texting about what had happened and C and N both apologised- they know now they shouldn't have had family there, they know that I didn't really want to go then but it was only because of the registration appointment and the visit was meant to be for us and the children. Had the extended family not been there, it would have been hard still of course but not ending quite like it did. In hindsight we should have waited to register the birth till next week too whilst hormones are less. Lesson learnt on all fronts.
To be continued....


No comments:

Post a Comment