Monday, 30 July 2012

10 Weeks!

I can't believe that we have made it to 10 weeks relatively easily! I missed out 9 weeks blog post as I took the children camping for a few days (which was lovely but exhausting). My M/c was at 8 weeks 6 days so to reach 10 weeks is important psychologically, although I am not resting yet!

Feeling really good in all areas really, I am enjoying having the children at home so we can have lay ins and more relaxed days, although the mess seems to come from no where! Morning sickness is 90% better, with only a little nausea left in the evening, if I am hungry. I still have food aversions though and spend a lot of time sitting and planning what I fancy to eat. Somethings, literally turn my stomach at the thought and yet the next day, it's the only thing I really want. And baby is selective about what brands too on certain foods!

Tiredness is still a huge issue, although I feel like I am just more used to it, or enjoying the summer break as I am not so miserable from it as i was. Don't get me wrong though, I just cry at the slightest of things still!

Our 12 week scan isn't too far away now. IF can't make it as he is on a charity medical mission in Madagascar but IM is going to be there and its our youngest daughters birthday so my OH will be there too.

Last week we went to their house for what is fast beginning to be our weekly dinner and we visited one of their best friends. She has Motor Neuron Disease and has only a few months to live. When they asked me a month ago to visit her, who we will call S, we weren't sure and I became a little resentful i would be put in this position. It was going to be very strange situation for anyone to be in, indeed.
 But she was the only person that knew about the adoption versus surrogacy, the dilemma they were in and all about me and our journey. When we got the BFP, they told her immediately and they said she was so excited to meet me so we agreed. And wow is all I can say, we were totally humbled by her and her family. We were welcomed into her home by her teenage children, her husband bought us drinks and even her carer who was feeding her her dinner, was friendly. And they all knew about the baby and were all so excited and happy for C and N. And S has such a strong, funny spirit, she was asking lots of questions and even asked how big C's sample was and what size syringe we used! To see her having fun with her friends, whilst trying to breath on a ventilator was awe inspiring to say the least. Although I was going very red in the process and had to fan my myself once or twice!
 So we have told her she needs to live until February to actually get a cuddle with baby but i think we all know deep down it isn't possible. But if she can just live to see the next scan pictures, that would be fantastic!

So that is the update so far. I am aware that my blog posts aren't as exciting or well written as they could be- I honestly think this child is helping himself to my brain cells and before long, I will be monosyllabic, but whatever he needs!....

Wednesday, 18 July 2012


My IF has started a new hobby of wood turning. And this week he gave me a gorgeous gift! It is so thoughtful and JUST what I appreciate. I don't want expensive gifts, flash meals etc, just IPs that appreciate me and then, if they choose to show it somehow, a thoughtful gift that comes from the heart is perfect!

My IM also came over and picked up my ironing pile and brought it back two days later all neat and ironed! And along with that, she bought me my favourite Shepherds Pie already to reheat for our dinner and some lovely Lush bath bombs for me to relax in. Things are going well with them, actually strength to strength and I am so grateful, when i remember what my last journey was like at this time!

Monday, 16 July 2012

8 weeks (and one day!?)

I have my 8 week picture, and I am surprised that i can actually wear the same clothes as I did 4 weeks! I did, but it isn't easy. Look at my stomach!? And i am holding that thing in. I have to undo my trousers in the evening if i want to sit down as it cuts me in half and i can feel my uterus start cramping. This is what you get after 5 previous pregnancies.

I have put on another 2lbs on top of the other weight gain this week, but as you can see, it is 90% on my tummy alone.  The rest is on my breasts and my face.

Symptoms wise, I am still exhausted, very sick and still a bit dizzy. And in between that, hungry! So in order to stop feeling sick, and have more energy, and feel less light headed I am eating little and often. Ok, more than often. And then I am hungry the rest of time so i eat then too. Sigh!
12 weeks, is when I hope to feel better, and do something about this. I feel like I am just surviving at the moment, but in a few weeks I am hoping to get my energy back and get back on track and may be restart exercise! Fingers crossed.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Our 8 week scan!

Well, we are back from a lovely day and our early scan. Everything went perfectly, and there is one bean, measuring one day ahead, with a heartbeat of 146! Everything is as it should be and my IPs were over the moon! They gripped on to my hand and we all just couldn't stop smiling. We went and grabbed coffee after to all just sit and chat and marvel that we have been so lucky so far. So our EDD is the 24th of February, but that could change at our next scan. I was expecting to measure 7 weeks 6 days by LMP but more importantly, 7 weeks 3/4 days based on Ovulation. The cycle was such hard work and i think that FF got my ovulation wrong, may be because of the thermometer being wrong. Which means that Insems were timed perfectly and it wasn't such a long shot after all. But whatever, we are happy and that is all that matters!

 My IM and my husband
Excuse the scan picture, as i don't have a working scanner at the moment so it is off my BB. Luckily the sonographer was lovely and made sure we had extra prints so we all had some without us having to ask so that was a lovely touch. I don't think there is anything else to say at this point! We are just so happy and excited! (I will do the full length pic tomorrow to mark 8 weeks.)

Monday, 9 July 2012

7 weeks

Yep, another week down and it has flown by thankfully. I hate the early stage of pregnancy as it seems that 40 weeks will go on forever, not to mention it is the worst time for me physically. And this time has been no different. In fact, I think i have felt worse this time than any other before so far.
 The sickness is all day and getting stronger, although i do have the odd day where i seem to eat right or something, and it isn't as bad as it could be. And then i have had an upset stomach for the last 4 days, not being able to eat a thing without my stomach rebelling. And i have been feeling faint and dizzy everytime I stand up, slightly short of breath too and I can't move my head too fast. And the tiredness, i can't explain it, but I am sure most people reading this will understand. its physically debilitating when looking after 4 children. Like I have always said, there isn't anything worse than not being able to do your everyday basic mummy duties, when it isn't for yourself- it is for someone else and something that you have to expect and accept when a surrogate.

Getting the balance right, of juggling family and your surrogate duties, being careful not to care too much, but caring enough to be trusted to carry someone elses child and doing the right thing for him or her and your IPs. Trying to keep life ticking over normally for everyone and making sure that my family aren't going without too. I am more than capable of doing this all, trust me, but it is hard sometimes, when feeling so down right crappy. But i am hoping that it will end by the time I am 12 weeks and really, that isn't too far away. Fingers crossed that it does.

I have developed a craving for anything salty or savory, with Marmite and gravy as being my favourites. My IF said my body is making extra blood (hence why I am so dizzy) so my body is craving this deliberately. Clever really! The only thing is that i do love it on bread or toast and i really have to be careful how much carbs I am eating. My stomach is still really bloated (picture to come at 8 weeks) but the scale isn't looking too bad.

So that is it. We have the scan on Sunday at 7 weeks and 6 days, so pictures will follow. I am scared of there not being anything there anymore, or something wrong. Just need to see a happy healthy bean and heart beat and i will be happier!

Monday, 2 July 2012

July! 6 weeks

Wow, over half of the year has passed and so much has happened and yet it doesn't feel like it. A very weird situation of waiting, waiting, and more waiting and than BAM, everything is happening.

I feel a bit less panicky since I last posted, because i have some serious symptoms of early pregnancy. The nausea and tiredness has been hitting hard the last few days- i haven't ever had tiredness like it before. Bearing in mind I once worked 4 night shifts a week and looked after my eldest daughter during the day so was literally running off an hour cat nap every 24 hours, so goodness knows what I am trying to grow in there. Hopefully a baby!

Maybe it is because I am 30 now, or the difference in genetics may be. And this am, the sickness was terrible. Especially when I had to make cookies at 6.30 am for the children's lunch boxes as I was too wiped out yesterday to do it. Nothing like suffering from morning sickness and stirring raw egg into fat and flour to make me gag.

I was supposed to be seeing IPs tomorrow but I have to sort out my mothers Nursing home so that is off. Talking of which, i may have to push her around in her wheelchair up ramps, out of cars etc. And she isn't light to say the least. But i can't tell her as it is too soon but i don't want to strain or push myself too much either. So I may have to feign a knee injury!

It is getting harder to not let on actually with people in general. I am the type, despite eating really well, to see a BFP and put weight on automatically. I have a bloated stomach, and maybe a few pounds owing to not exercising lately and i just find myself yawning all of the time. It is quite embarrassing!
 Because of the weight loss, I have every man and his dog commenting on my physical appearance and weight loss- mums at the school gates were the best ones. All positive and encouraging and complimentary. But now, i know people will continue to look at me, wondering why I am not jogging back from the school as I once did or waiting for me to gain some weight back so it bothers me more. I just want to say, yes, I am pregnant, that is why! I know, in 9 months it will all be worth it, and i can lose weight again so i need to get some perspective.

Anyway, I am just eeking forward each and every day, counting my blessings and trying to keep positive!