Mixed week.

OK, so i took my last digital pregnancy test on Monday, 6 days after my previous one which had said 2-3 weeks since conception. This weeks test still said 2-3 almost a week later. And all the googling i did, i found lots of other women with the same thing, and they all ended up in miscarriage. Damn Clearblue and their over indulgent tests.
 But the following few two days have been filled with even more tiredness and strong bouts of nausea. I could have thanked the morning sickness gods had i known who they were! It was a great sign. Along with a full sensation in my tummy, breasts painful and bloating, i felt better and resisted the urge to buy more of the stupid indicator tests. Mainly because i have a feeling that Clearblue know that this happens and is a marketing ploy.

But today, i have woken up full of energy, bloating gone down a bit, breasts don't hurt and have definitely gone down a bit, no nausea, not even once. I just don't feel pregnant today. Which is horrible and worrying and a bit reminiscent of the week before the miscarriage last year.
I have been crampy the last week BUT that is a good sign for me normally at this time of pregnancy. I have had that with them all and just my increased blood flow and ligaments stretching i guess. But nothing today.

Please, not again, i don't think i could handle it. I want this so badly for my IPs that that is all that matters. And the stupid system in this country means we have nothing to hold on to, no betas, no early scans. Just a case of waiting 12 weeks. Even after a previous miscarriage. Ha! Do they think we are mad?

Thank goodness for private scans, but even that isn't for another 3 weeks. And the ironic thing is that we all pay our taxes for our National Health service and get so much less than we sometimes need and yet the US are currently voting for a similar service! Give me a private insurance system any day.....

Anyway, one good thing is that I am still angsty, still wanting to chew someones head off as you can see, so that it is good!

Off to the doctors tomorrow morning for a routine book in to see the midwife and get the ball rolling for ante natal care. I am going to think of something that i can say to try my luck and get a blood test or something.