Saturday, 31 March 2012
Fw:
Ok, so still on my phone as our laptop needs repairing. I was hoping it would be done by now but there you go. So phone it is.
The last few weeks have been quite interesting as I said. The short (ok, maybe long, sorry!) version is that my smear was due (pap for u.s) and I have been having some symptoms the last 3 months that made me make an appointment with the doctor as opposed to the normal nurse. I have been bleeding through out the month, experiencing high volumes of cervical mucous, pain during intercourse and of course the extremely heavy periods are persisting. I explained about wanting to carry a surrogate pregnancy again and needing her signature in the long term too. My doctor was amazing and booked me in for a scan, blood work and my smear test.
They were thinking Endomitriosis, or PCOS. I wasn't really, as I haven't had any issues falling or staying pregnant bar the one miscarriage. I never knew that both conditions also caused miscarriages so I learnt something! So of course I went along and and of course they found nothing. Womb lining was perfect and no cysts or abnormalities on my ovaries.
Next came my bloods, which were taken on day 6 to check hormones and white and red cell count. All completely great apart from my red cell count looked a little low but not to the stage of taking iron- I guess the heavy periods are catching up on me, but I am increasing my iron rich foods.
So they were left with two options. One was a Cervical erosion- not erosion really but that's it's name. The other was cervical cancer.
She did an internal exam along with my smear and low and behold- an abnormal cervix. But both conditions present in similar ways- even to look at.
My GP referred me to the cancer clinic for a coloscopy and other tests. I only had to wait 5 days to be seen but it was hanging over us like a black cloud. I began having those thoughts. As any mummy would. At this point it became about more than would I ever carry a surro baby, but about possibly leaving my own children.
So hospital visits ensued. And guess what. I don't have cancer, I don't even have pre cancerous cells. I can't explain the relief! I felt so so lucky and fortunate.
So next week I am having the cervix erosion quaterised and and I hope to get the paper work signed off for me to join another organisation. It should them return to normal and of course I have had a very thorough health check so it can be all systems go once I find the right couple.
Throughout this, I have continued to lose weight and I am now running 4k without stopping or walking once. And I love it. I didn't think I would, I would be the one looking and rolling my eyes at the jogger on the street before- just not getting it. But I do now!
So I have lost 3 stone now, my bmi is almost at 30 and it holds me in good stead for TTC. Whilst it isn't everything in conceiving, my GP did make a point about fertility rates and pregnancy loss rates being worse in people who are seriously overweight and older. I am 30 now and within 4 years I will considered old to conceive and no one will want my eggs anyway! Madness!
Lastly, we are going to C and Vs house for dinner tomorrow night. We are taking the children which will e interesting, as their house is absolutely beautiful and pristine. And we are having curry. You can imagine the rest but it was their choice!
Not sure how I am feeling about them and the situation- I still love them and as it stands today they are the only ones I want to work with but I am not sure if they are keeping me as a back up if the adoption doesn't work out. Just a feeling. I will let you know after!
So life is great right now, with everything to play for. All I need now is a bit more of a plan!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
The last few weeks have been quite interesting as I said. The short (ok, maybe long, sorry!) version is that my smear was due (pap for u.s) and I have been having some symptoms the last 3 months that made me make an appointment with the doctor as opposed to the normal nurse. I have been bleeding through out the month, experiencing high volumes of cervical mucous, pain during intercourse and of course the extremely heavy periods are persisting. I explained about wanting to carry a surrogate pregnancy again and needing her signature in the long term too. My doctor was amazing and booked me in for a scan, blood work and my smear test.
They were thinking Endomitriosis, or PCOS. I wasn't really, as I haven't had any issues falling or staying pregnant bar the one miscarriage. I never knew that both conditions also caused miscarriages so I learnt something! So of course I went along and and of course they found nothing. Womb lining was perfect and no cysts or abnormalities on my ovaries.
Next came my bloods, which were taken on day 6 to check hormones and white and red cell count. All completely great apart from my red cell count looked a little low but not to the stage of taking iron- I guess the heavy periods are catching up on me, but I am increasing my iron rich foods.
So they were left with two options. One was a Cervical erosion- not erosion really but that's it's name. The other was cervical cancer.
She did an internal exam along with my smear and low and behold- an abnormal cervix. But both conditions present in similar ways- even to look at.
My GP referred me to the cancer clinic for a coloscopy and other tests. I only had to wait 5 days to be seen but it was hanging over us like a black cloud. I began having those thoughts. As any mummy would. At this point it became about more than would I ever carry a surro baby, but about possibly leaving my own children.
So hospital visits ensued. And guess what. I don't have cancer, I don't even have pre cancerous cells. I can't explain the relief! I felt so so lucky and fortunate.
So next week I am having the cervix erosion quaterised and and I hope to get the paper work signed off for me to join another organisation. It should them return to normal and of course I have had a very thorough health check so it can be all systems go once I find the right couple.
Throughout this, I have continued to lose weight and I am now running 4k without stopping or walking once. And I love it. I didn't think I would, I would be the one looking and rolling my eyes at the jogger on the street before- just not getting it. But I do now!
So I have lost 3 stone now, my bmi is almost at 30 and it holds me in good stead for TTC. Whilst it isn't everything in conceiving, my GP did make a point about fertility rates and pregnancy loss rates being worse in people who are seriously overweight and older. I am 30 now and within 4 years I will considered old to conceive and no one will want my eggs anyway! Madness!
Lastly, we are going to C and Vs house for dinner tomorrow night. We are taking the children which will e interesting, as their house is absolutely beautiful and pristine. And we are having curry. You can imagine the rest but it was their choice!
Not sure how I am feeling about them and the situation- I still love them and as it stands today they are the only ones I want to work with but I am not sure if they are keeping me as a back up if the adoption doesn't work out. Just a feeling. I will let you know after!
So life is great right now, with everything to play for. All I need now is a bit more of a plan!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
February 14th
I am making progress, another 5lbs lost last week. A stone and a half in total or about half way there! I have a treadmill here now and that is hard going i can tell you. The annoying/funny thing is that as it is second hand, it is perpetually stuck in up hill mode and isn't motorised so I can't do more than 5 mins fast paced walk and then 5 min run yet but with every day it is getting easier. I am now ordering a second clothes size smaller in preparation and as motivation!
Surrogacy wise, I have made few new friends, including two new Ips who seem nice. They know of where I am with it all at the moment and know about a possible match with X and Y after their adoption but at the very least, it is nice to make new friends in the community. That being said, there were what seemed to be a few hints at what is going on and being said within the Uk community, possibly about me. But I honestly don't care. I have heard pretty much every surrogate and IP being criticised in one form or another in the 2 years i have been active and know it is part of the course. Lets be honest, Surrogacy boards are filled with hormonal women, gay men and very few have actually met each other in real life.
Talking of which, I am a member of another board and they recently had a thread containing their own personal montages and films documenting their journey's and man, they were so inspiring! I want to have that, do that and be a part of the dream making. I made a film for my last IPs, showing our meet up, the TTC and BFPs but obviously i didn't get to go any further.
So X and Y are away for a few more weeks and then we have a curry at their house planned. Then, and only then will we know more about what is going to happen and then I can make plans for the year ahead. Will let you know how that goes.
Surrogacy wise, I have made few new friends, including two new Ips who seem nice. They know of where I am with it all at the moment and know about a possible match with X and Y after their adoption but at the very least, it is nice to make new friends in the community. That being said, there were what seemed to be a few hints at what is going on and being said within the Uk community, possibly about me. But I honestly don't care. I have heard pretty much every surrogate and IP being criticised in one form or another in the 2 years i have been active and know it is part of the course. Lets be honest, Surrogacy boards are filled with hormonal women, gay men and very few have actually met each other in real life.
Talking of which, I am a member of another board and they recently had a thread containing their own personal montages and films documenting their journey's and man, they were so inspiring! I want to have that, do that and be a part of the dream making. I made a film for my last IPs, showing our meet up, the TTC and BFPs but obviously i didn't get to go any further.
So X and Y are away for a few more weeks and then we have a curry at their house planned. Then, and only then will we know more about what is going to happen and then I can make plans for the year ahead. Will let you know how that goes.
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
February 6th
So this is a new blog, leaving my old one behind. I have it saved somewhere but after 18 months of ups an downs, tears and tantrums, i wanted a new one from the start of 2012. Because this is a new year, a new me and my final 12 months trying to become a surrogate and make someone's lives change for ever. Because the bug is still nipping at my toes and I can't forget my dream of achieving this yet.
So, so far this year, what I call the 'prep' work is going well. We are down 9 BMI points since the miscarriage, or 23 pounds and the weight is still coming off. I am still another 20 pounds away from my own goal weight, which would put me in a nice bracket and also available at most clinics should i choose to go down the IVF/Host Surrogacy route. So I 'should' be there by the end of April- only a few weeks off my due date for the surrogate baby that I lost.
The miscarriage, it has been confirmed, was just one of those things and my health has always been excellent. I have a low blood pressure, normal deliveries and never any complications. This is just because I want to do it, and i want to give this my all. I want to be 100% ready. I am totally dedicated to this!
Exercise is going well this time- this is the first time that I haven't just used calorie control and I am, get ready for this, enjoying it! Some the of the workouts i can now do double and my body is more toned for it.
As for any potential matches, there aren't any yet. For those of you in the know, I was talking to a couple over a year ago but due to the IM having similar health complaints that my own mother had I felt I couldn't continue. Sounds bad I know, they are local, fun, honest, and deserve a child so so badly but I ended up living in care for a while because of my mums disablilty amongst other things and up until recently, felt it had ruined my first half of my life.I was a young carer, with a lot of responsibilty on my shoulders and didn't lead a 'normal' life in my teens. However, I had a rethink about it all, mainly down to the hours my mum and I spent going through the photo albums she had stored. She gets easily confused but when looking through the photos, he eyes lit up and it was like a part of her old self back as we looked at them fondly, and I realised there and then that regardless of how hard my life was, I was grateful for it all, it had made me the person i was and i knew the joy that my existence had bought to her.
So fast forward a few months and the IF emailed me about some charity work he is involved in (more about that later) and we are back in contact. I have explained to them, as I did back then the reasons why things went as they did and we have all really been honest with each other and we have all moved on and we can call them our friends. We have met up as they are local to me and there are a few talks about matching in the future. The only spanner in the works, from my very selfish point of view is that they went back to pursing adoption and have been accepted to adopt a child. It was a strange situation really, as i had no right to waltz back in and disrupt their lives and goals and yet i wanted them to have the chance of being parents so badly as i adore them! So i have just sat back and offered our support, asking relevant questions and really hoped that they will find the child they are meant to have.
Anyway, if, which is a huge if, we matched it wouldn't be until the end of the summer which gives me plenty of time to lose more weight, get fit, build a great match and it would be a year after the loss,infection and D and C I had. So all great timing. They have also said that I could carry on looking for another match in the mean time as they obviously have other things to concentrate on so i have a few other things up my sleeve!
I do have a discharge letter from the hospital, a new letter from my GP agreeing that I am of suitable health and mind to continue and I am in the process of filling out another form for another agency. I have been thinking of doing this for a long time as a fresh start would be good and also this other agency like to put the emphasis on friendship first when matching and that is what has bothered me the most about my current/old one. I am also hoping that word of mouth may help as the surrogate world is a small one and sometimes matches grow organically.
So, that is it for now. I am not in any rush to make surrogacy my whole life again as it has been in the past and I am just keeping my head down and working towards my goals whilst enjoying my gorgeous family and living life. Who knows what I will find along the way, so watch this space!
So, so far this year, what I call the 'prep' work is going well. We are down 9 BMI points since the miscarriage, or 23 pounds and the weight is still coming off. I am still another 20 pounds away from my own goal weight, which would put me in a nice bracket and also available at most clinics should i choose to go down the IVF/Host Surrogacy route. So I 'should' be there by the end of April- only a few weeks off my due date for the surrogate baby that I lost.
The miscarriage, it has been confirmed, was just one of those things and my health has always been excellent. I have a low blood pressure, normal deliveries and never any complications. This is just because I want to do it, and i want to give this my all. I want to be 100% ready. I am totally dedicated to this!
Exercise is going well this time- this is the first time that I haven't just used calorie control and I am, get ready for this, enjoying it! Some the of the workouts i can now do double and my body is more toned for it.
As for any potential matches, there aren't any yet. For those of you in the know, I was talking to a couple over a year ago but due to the IM having similar health complaints that my own mother had I felt I couldn't continue. Sounds bad I know, they are local, fun, honest, and deserve a child so so badly but I ended up living in care for a while because of my mums disablilty amongst other things and up until recently, felt it had ruined my first half of my life.I was a young carer, with a lot of responsibilty on my shoulders and didn't lead a 'normal' life in my teens. However, I had a rethink about it all, mainly down to the hours my mum and I spent going through the photo albums she had stored. She gets easily confused but when looking through the photos, he eyes lit up and it was like a part of her old self back as we looked at them fondly, and I realised there and then that regardless of how hard my life was, I was grateful for it all, it had made me the person i was and i knew the joy that my existence had bought to her.
So fast forward a few months and the IF emailed me about some charity work he is involved in (more about that later) and we are back in contact. I have explained to them, as I did back then the reasons why things went as they did and we have all really been honest with each other and we have all moved on and we can call them our friends. We have met up as they are local to me and there are a few talks about matching in the future. The only spanner in the works, from my very selfish point of view is that they went back to pursing adoption and have been accepted to adopt a child. It was a strange situation really, as i had no right to waltz back in and disrupt their lives and goals and yet i wanted them to have the chance of being parents so badly as i adore them! So i have just sat back and offered our support, asking relevant questions and really hoped that they will find the child they are meant to have.
Anyway, if, which is a huge if, we matched it wouldn't be until the end of the summer which gives me plenty of time to lose more weight, get fit, build a great match and it would be a year after the loss,infection and D and C I had. So all great timing. They have also said that I could carry on looking for another match in the mean time as they obviously have other things to concentrate on so i have a few other things up my sleeve!
I do have a discharge letter from the hospital, a new letter from my GP agreeing that I am of suitable health and mind to continue and I am in the process of filling out another form for another agency. I have been thinking of doing this for a long time as a fresh start would be good and also this other agency like to put the emphasis on friendship first when matching and that is what has bothered me the most about my current/old one. I am also hoping that word of mouth may help as the surrogate world is a small one and sometimes matches grow organically.
So, that is it for now. I am not in any rush to make surrogacy my whole life again as it has been in the past and I am just keeping my head down and working towards my goals whilst enjoying my gorgeous family and living life. Who knows what I will find along the way, so watch this space!
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