OMG! I am 3/4 of the way through?! It seems to be flying to me and to my IPs. The last weeks running up to Christmas and the preparation have helped I am guessing.
So baby could be here in 7 weeks! Although more realistically 12 knowing my luck. But the end is coming. And as I hit 30 weeks, I found myself really happy- happy that I have done this, and that I am getting to make my Ips dreams come true. There aren't any regrets today, despite the pain. I had to be helped out of the bath yesterday by my husband because of the pain. Talk about shame. But even that isn't detracting from what is an amazing time, a wonderful journey that I am really very proud of! Like I said, I think it's because the birth and the therefore the end, is more of a reality to me and the pain will be over, and baby girl will be in her mummy's arms really soon!
Ips are still being great, with the IM and becoming even closer. They have let on that they have gifts for us for Christmas, so I wasn't sure what to get them. I felt bad that they were spoiling us- In the end I am going to put together a hamper of luxury foods and also helpful things too for after the birth. I am even including something for their dog. I have toyed with the idea of buying for baby but every time I go to a shop I feel weird. I firstly don't want to overstep my position or worry them- I am not bonded maternally to her, but only I know that for sure so don't want to start freaking them out. And I don't want to risk my body getting the wrong idea either. Yes, always playing it over cautious. But I am a first time TS and not risking pain for me, and let's face it, I will have lots of times to be able to buy her things when I don't have hormones coursing through my veins!
We have an OB appointment on Tuesday to see if they will help me with the pain of the SPD, or at least give me a guarantee that they will induce at 40 weeks, so i know psychologically there is a definite end. I still need that end goal when things are hard. I will report back.
Ooh and lastly, I am going to my IPs house before the appointment as it is up the road, and IM is unveiling the nursery she is doing. I feel so honoured to be able to see it first hand and see her proud and excited face. She really is fully on board the 'baby train' right now, her previous worries or doubts have vanished as far as I can see. I am sure that deep down she will have some pessimistic thoughts and feelings after so much hurt in 12 years, questions of whether this is really going to happen but she is doing well to hide them and chuck herself into excitement mode!
Sunday, 16 December 2012
Saturday, 8 December 2012
29 weeks
There isn't much to update really, the baby is doing well, and becoming even stronger- her movements hurt my stomach at the moment. But then she has always been very strong and active. I saw the midwife this week and they still don't know why I am having the tightening's They aren't as frequent any more, but when I do get them, i have to breath through them sometimes.
My blood pressure was a great 110/55, baby is head down and i had my bloods taken for the routine tests. Results will be in some time this coming week. Oh and baby is measuring 2 weeks ahead already, according to fundal height. Joy! My last was 9lb 7 oz so as they tend to get bigger, i am thinking at least 10lbs?
The SPD is hitting hard, with me not really able to do much already. For instance, i can't walk around a department store for 30 minutes and drive home, without being in agony 4 hours later and my right leg just doesn't 'pick up', which can be a pain as then I trip myself up. And then things like cooking, walking and driving the children to school are a no go.
I have asked to see an Obstetrician at the local hospital to see about pain medications or a longer term plan. I quite liked the idea of not having to see one this time, and be purely midwife led, but I am hoping that he has an answer.
There is talk that they would induce me a week early like they did for my son, but I need to be sure that it's the right thing to do for the baby and the Ips are in agreement. I am not usually one of those people who want baby out asap, but I am finding myself spending more and more time laying down, not doing much and getting myself rather down. And in a TS situation, I can't risk that. I already spend a lot of time wallowing and I know i shouldn't. But the pain is terrible, and I am one of those people who pride themselves on being able to be everything to everyone. The fact that I can't mop up a dirty floor or even bath my children sucks. A week doesn't sound a lot, but psychologically to have a date to work towards, to plan for. is invaluable when everything is so painful and means that I will only have 10 weeks left maximum. Especially as I know it will only get worse as the weeks go on. But then again, I don't want to evict her before she is ready, so I will be guided by a majority decision and see where it leads us!
My blood pressure was a great 110/55, baby is head down and i had my bloods taken for the routine tests. Results will be in some time this coming week. Oh and baby is measuring 2 weeks ahead already, according to fundal height. Joy! My last was 9lb 7 oz so as they tend to get bigger, i am thinking at least 10lbs?
The SPD is hitting hard, with me not really able to do much already. For instance, i can't walk around a department store for 30 minutes and drive home, without being in agony 4 hours later and my right leg just doesn't 'pick up', which can be a pain as then I trip myself up. And then things like cooking, walking and driving the children to school are a no go.
I have asked to see an Obstetrician at the local hospital to see about pain medications or a longer term plan. I quite liked the idea of not having to see one this time, and be purely midwife led, but I am hoping that he has an answer.
There is talk that they would induce me a week early like they did for my son, but I need to be sure that it's the right thing to do for the baby and the Ips are in agreement. I am not usually one of those people who want baby out asap, but I am finding myself spending more and more time laying down, not doing much and getting myself rather down. And in a TS situation, I can't risk that. I already spend a lot of time wallowing and I know i shouldn't. But the pain is terrible, and I am one of those people who pride themselves on being able to be everything to everyone. The fact that I can't mop up a dirty floor or even bath my children sucks. A week doesn't sound a lot, but psychologically to have a date to work towards, to plan for. is invaluable when everything is so painful and means that I will only have 10 weeks left maximum. Especially as I know it will only get worse as the weeks go on. But then again, I don't want to evict her before she is ready, so I will be guided by a majority decision and see where it leads us!
Thursday, 29 November 2012
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Tuesday, 27 November 2012
27 week updates
Today I am 27 plus 3 and a lot has been going on here. Nothing in terms of my post last week thankfully. Everything has been on the up with my IPs, they have been fantastic and I am so glad that i managed to explain how I was feeling and we can all move on from it stronger than ever. IF is away again for another charity mission but IM is being sweet and bringing my frozen meals over. So sweet!
My SPD has been really bad the last 2 or 3 weeks and my IPs sent me to see a private physio. I can't say, having had it in my number 2 pregnancy 9 years ago, that I learnt much more, but I got a new band to wear and some new exercises, so just going made me feel proactive and not so worried. When I had it with my son, I was in a wheelchair from 35 weeks, using crutches from 28 and having to sleep sitting up for the last 10 weeks. To say I got very down, is an understatement and it does worry me that it will be that bad again. Fingers crossed though, I am thinking positively and being sensible!
Which then brings me on to the next point- since Friday I have been having tightenings, a little stronger than Braxton Hicks, up to every 2 minutes. They weren't painful, but uncomfortable and I began timing them and they went on all day, no exaggeration. In fact most of the weekend. But as soon as I changed position, they went let up a while so I wasn't overly worried. Then I started having stabbing pains in my cervix, and yesterday i felt really damp, like a watery discharge. So i assumed perhaps the band I was wearing was irritating my uterus, but i stopped wearing that on Saturday, and yet they continued.
However, yesterday and today they have gone back down to about 2 or 3 an hour which is comforting to say the least, but I went to see the doctor today, and she checked everything over. My cervix is still tightly closed, she couldn't see any leaking fluid using a speculum, I tested negative for a UTI or other infection which could cause pre term labour and because they are ceasing and my cervix is closed, I am to rest up for now. But if they come back like they were over the weekend, or I get backache I am to go to the hospital for monitoring.
So that has been my week/10 days. The baby is moving around so much, her heartbeat was good and strong when checked and she is head down! Not engaged, and down the right way which is fantastic!
Oh and my OH has been amazing the last week, and he seems so much more on board since I sorted out the issues with my IPs. He even strokes my tummy now! So sweet, and so helpful, especially as I am quite tired lately, with not sleeping due to the SPD! Fingers crossed all continues to be plain sailing from here.
My SPD has been really bad the last 2 or 3 weeks and my IPs sent me to see a private physio. I can't say, having had it in my number 2 pregnancy 9 years ago, that I learnt much more, but I got a new band to wear and some new exercises, so just going made me feel proactive and not so worried. When I had it with my son, I was in a wheelchair from 35 weeks, using crutches from 28 and having to sleep sitting up for the last 10 weeks. To say I got very down, is an understatement and it does worry me that it will be that bad again. Fingers crossed though, I am thinking positively and being sensible!
Which then brings me on to the next point- since Friday I have been having tightenings, a little stronger than Braxton Hicks, up to every 2 minutes. They weren't painful, but uncomfortable and I began timing them and they went on all day, no exaggeration. In fact most of the weekend. But as soon as I changed position, they went let up a while so I wasn't overly worried. Then I started having stabbing pains in my cervix, and yesterday i felt really damp, like a watery discharge. So i assumed perhaps the band I was wearing was irritating my uterus, but i stopped wearing that on Saturday, and yet they continued.
However, yesterday and today they have gone back down to about 2 or 3 an hour which is comforting to say the least, but I went to see the doctor today, and she checked everything over. My cervix is still tightly closed, she couldn't see any leaking fluid using a speculum, I tested negative for a UTI or other infection which could cause pre term labour and because they are ceasing and my cervix is closed, I am to rest up for now. But if they come back like they were over the weekend, or I get backache I am to go to the hospital for monitoring.
So that has been my week/10 days. The baby is moving around so much, her heartbeat was good and strong when checked and she is head down! Not engaged, and down the right way which is fantastic!
Oh and my OH has been amazing the last week, and he seems so much more on board since I sorted out the issues with my IPs. He even strokes my tummy now! So sweet, and so helpful, especially as I am quite tired lately, with not sleeping due to the SPD! Fingers crossed all continues to be plain sailing from here.
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
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Feeling a little better...
Just wanted to pop in and say that I have worked through some of my issues I talked about in my last post and I even sat them down and told them how I was feeling. I was keen to not go on a witch hunt and I just explained how I was feeling, regardless of whether they had done something to warrant it or not.
Summarised, "this is just how I am feeling, I am sorry, I don't blame you, i blame myself and it's more a case of the reality of being a TS and the impact it has on my family that you necessarily having actually done anything". I really didn't want to alienate them and cut my nose off to spite my face. Luckily, after the initial worry and a little hurt, they saw my side, offered more money should I need it and promised to make more of an effort with showing me they care and more patient in general. It is so lovely to be able to talk to them and say what i need to, providing I can do it in a civilized, calm way.
In my week of thinking, i realised that my main issue wasn't so much the lesser amount of expenses, but that the fact that apart from the early weeks, I haven't had many friendship tokens either, such as flowers or cards etc so it left me feeling like I was a cheap surrogate, who wasn't their friend either. Hell, I haven't had one bunch of flowers, ever. And when the pain of my pelvis kicks in or when I am too tired to play with the kids, or I feel her move around at 3 am and I know that I am going to miss her in a few short months, everything is amplified and the little things become bigger. If that makes sense?
Anyway. There isn't a guide book after all! (how many times have i said that on here!) But we all know where we stand a little better now. Oh and talked to my IF about my worries concerning delivering at his hospital, and he has taken that on board too. So no more medical jargon in front of me and my IM has promised that she would reign him in should he need it!
I may blog about that concern one day when I get around to it! But I am so on a Christmas roll here! One way of contributing to the household for me, is making sure that I find and hunt bargains for the kids gifts and food, and maybe sell off old bits they don't need too. So I am in my element this week and busy! We have a little friend around for tea too today, so better had get cracking!
Summarised, "this is just how I am feeling, I am sorry, I don't blame you, i blame myself and it's more a case of the reality of being a TS and the impact it has on my family that you necessarily having actually done anything". I really didn't want to alienate them and cut my nose off to spite my face. Luckily, after the initial worry and a little hurt, they saw my side, offered more money should I need it and promised to make more of an effort with showing me they care and more patient in general. It is so lovely to be able to talk to them and say what i need to, providing I can do it in a civilized, calm way.
In my week of thinking, i realised that my main issue wasn't so much the lesser amount of expenses, but that the fact that apart from the early weeks, I haven't had many friendship tokens either, such as flowers or cards etc so it left me feeling like I was a cheap surrogate, who wasn't their friend either. Hell, I haven't had one bunch of flowers, ever. And when the pain of my pelvis kicks in or when I am too tired to play with the kids, or I feel her move around at 3 am and I know that I am going to miss her in a few short months, everything is amplified and the little things become bigger. If that makes sense?
Anyway. There isn't a guide book after all! (how many times have i said that on here!) But we all know where we stand a little better now. Oh and talked to my IF about my worries concerning delivering at his hospital, and he has taken that on board too. So no more medical jargon in front of me and my IM has promised that she would reign him in should he need it!
I may blog about that concern one day when I get around to it! But I am so on a Christmas roll here! One way of contributing to the household for me, is making sure that I find and hunt bargains for the kids gifts and food, and maybe sell off old bits they don't need too. So I am in my element this week and busy! We have a little friend around for tea too today, so better had get cracking!
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
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