Feeling a little better...

Just wanted to pop in and say that I have worked through some of my issues I talked about in my last post and I even sat them down and told them how I was feeling. I was keen to not go on a witch hunt and I just explained how I was feeling, regardless of whether they had done something to warrant it or not.
  Summarised, "this is just how I am feeling, I am sorry, I don't blame you, i blame myself and it's more a case of the reality of being a TS and the impact it has on my family that you necessarily having actually done anything". I really didn't want to alienate them and cut my nose off to spite my face. Luckily, after the initial worry and a little hurt, they saw my side, offered more money should I need it and promised to make more of an effort with showing me they care and more patient in general. It is so lovely to be able to talk to them and say what i need to, providing I can do it in a civilized, calm way.

 In my week of thinking, i realised that my main issue wasn't so much the lesser amount of expenses, but that the fact that apart from the early weeks, I haven't had many friendship tokens either, such as flowers or cards etc so it left me feeling like I was a cheap surrogate, who wasn't their friend either. Hell, I haven't had one bunch of flowers, ever. And when the pain of my pelvis kicks in or when I am too tired to play with the kids, or I feel her move around at 3 am and I know that I am going to miss her in a few short months,  everything is amplified and the little things become bigger. If that makes sense?

Anyway. There isn't a guide book after all! (how many times have i said that on here!) But we all know where we stand a little better now. Oh and talked to my IF about my worries concerning delivering at his hospital, and he has taken that on board too. So no more medical jargon in front of me and my IM has promised that she would reign him in should he need it!

 I may blog about that concern one day when I get around to it! But I am so on a Christmas roll here! One way of contributing to the household for me, is making sure that I find and hunt bargains for the kids gifts and food, and maybe sell off old bits they don't need too. So I am in my element this week and busy! We have a little friend around for tea too today, so better had get cracking!